Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
