haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
