i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
