I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
