ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
