i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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