thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
