I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
