she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
