i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dad is sitting where you rode me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
