i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
