But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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