you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Come on in and take your pants off
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