This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
