Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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