id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
