I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
