Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
