The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
