I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
