My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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