I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
