When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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