If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
