fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
