I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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