I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
