the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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