Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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