I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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