So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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