Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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