I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
