sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
