After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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