i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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