And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
