who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
nut hugger
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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