can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
