Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
