SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
