The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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