omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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