she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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