I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
