Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
