This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
