Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
