We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
