I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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