This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
