last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
