good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
