So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
