the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
