Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
