You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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