He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
