I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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