that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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