I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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