What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
