I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
