Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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