I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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