I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
