ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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