Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
