I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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