A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
