I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
